I am lazy and tired. Disillusioned. A little sad. Must prepare for dinner party I am holding for friends on Sunday. Spent the day at work avoiding all work. Instead told the 2 or 3 people I completely trust that I am on strike because I don't like to be messed with. Been on a 2-hour-lunch-break to visit Claudia and her baby at home. Learned of a strategic loss in the afternoon that my closest allies had to endure and for which I feel at least partly responsible because I had built the argument that they used on faulty numbers. When I realized my mistake, the damage was already done. Got invited by the same allies to a meeting that will take place tomorrow afternoon where we'll try to pick up the pieces and decide how to get through two weeks without X, who is leaving the country in a few hours to rest and spend time with his family. Nothing's been going right this week but it's too soon to give up. We'll give the reactionary crowd a good fight. It'll take blood and tears (I broke into tears on Thursday afternoon) but we must win in the end.