It's shortly past midnight as I start writing this. I am at the hospital sitting next to my grandma's bed, stroking her hand and hoping. Hoping that God (for lack of a better word) allows her to come home. There is no sense in this endless suffering. Grandma doesn't deserve this. The last time she spoke my name or said anything for that matter was 5 hours ago. She's sleeping now but it's not a peaceful sort of sleep. This is her life ending and I don't understand why she can get morphine to take away some of the pain but can't get morphine to end the suffering in what can only be described a hopeless situation.

It was my grandma's will that she get unhooked from life support as soon as there is no hope. This is what happened this morning. She's now getting a bit of water, oxygen and a shot of morphine every 8 hours. How long she will have to lie here, barely alive but alert enough to know what is happening, we do not know. I do know I have to be with her, though. My sister is here, also, but sleeping. So, I am the only one up. I spoke to Leo earlier and it is in moments like this that I know I can depend on him. He's there when I need him. Somehow, he always finds the right words.

This is my grandma's 8th week in hospital and it will be her last. 8 weeks of tests, hope and despair and the end of it is a very weak heart but no diagnosis as to why grandma is so ill.

We had plans with her. She has a whole floor in the new house in Munich. But, alas, it wasn't to be. She's so weak lying here. So helpless. I guess in order to understand what we're going through you must have went through the same and I know many people have. Dying is a part of life and letting go is so difficult. But grandma is ready to go. So please let her.

Remaining with us are countless memories of an intelligent, warm, loving and caring grandma. Just someone we really loved. Someone who was a part of our lives every day. Someone we will miss more than words can say.

I am holding up well, crying every now and again, but knowing that she will be okay on the other side. I will blog again when she's gone. Good night. Sleep well everyone and always, always keep your loved ones close and safe.