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Skip this, Leo...
Okay so the weekend is almost there. What a relief. Had a stressful week with lots of work and many hours at uni. It's a little difficult getting used to doing both again after the long term break.
I'm somewhat depressed this morning. Surely you can guess what this is about. I just wrote him one of my sad little messages whining about everything, feeling sorry for myself and more or less blaming him for how miserable I am. I think he owes me some kind of solution. Either let me go or move forward. But we're in such a vague state. I mean I know there are feelings on his part too. What makes it so difficult is that I do not know what he wants from this and when I ask him about it I will not get an answer. This drives me almost to a point where I want to walk. I probably would if I weren't so weak. But I also know if I did leave that would mean losing someone who is my life right now. Getting up in the morning knowing he wouldn't be there anymore: it's impossible to even contemplate. The truth is: I cannot leave this behind. Sometimes I think he knows that and maybe that is the reason why he keeps me on the edge like he does. Maybe he doesn't even realize the extent to which I am hurting. Well... there are so many maybes... I need answers. I doubt I'll get them but I'll be sticking around anyway. I never get enough until I am completely heartbroken. 
So yeah, that's all...
Comments
Best solution would probably be to stick with it (because you might waste your time this or that way anyway) and not close your eyes after all to probably find something else that makes you happier.
Though I know that if you're the faithful type of person you close your eyes and only look at that one thing you try to believe in. But nobody is ready to guarantee you anything, that's why I believe you don't owe anybody anything.
And the healthier solution would be to just go on and look for something else, while you're holding onto something that makes you happy from time to time at least, but probably not forever. Why drop one, when you have no one left afterwards? Better drop one when you know you got someone else left instead.
Just use what you get, don't forget about yourself, because you should be your number one in your life, and nobody else. No matter how egotistic it sounds. At the end of the day that's how this world works. Being all about others is weakness, that's true. It takes a lot more to be all about yourself, because you have to be your own guide and can't rely on others. That takes a lot of power, while depending on others takes power of the others. You can only be as strong as they are. But I believe you're much stronger than that. Don't let yourself down.
Michelle is wise.
I am weak.
*lol*
Anne, Anne, Anne!
>
That's the best advice I've read in a long time.
Anne, you are a gorgeous, brilliant, intelligent girl - don't ever forget that. I know some days it all feels pretty worthless, but those days pass. I like to think that they come into our lives to teach us something. There is always a lesson to gained from an experience - one that will help you move on and grow.
Good luck with it all. x Love ya!
oops!
uh oh
Um I don't have anything wise to say about your situation but just can't help asking - do you really trust him to not read this entry because you said so??
But you probably do want him to read it...
PS I'd started writing a longer comment about relationships but decided to keep it to myself lol. The gist of it was "stick with it" tho, surprisingly. Email me if you want the longer version, which I doubt. :P